dAncing to different tunes each day

em suddenly feels very tired. all these noise. i think i need to take a step back 'n do some filtering. but wait. it's like alice in wonderland. d world is moving so fast that em has to keep running to remain in the same spot.

i thought i could somehow deal with this. gee, i just realized that em much stronger in writing than in person. je deteste all these charades.

perhaps, em just not in a very good state of mind. i used to be able to ignore it and just beaver in me own lil green patch but reckon that it isn't quite possible anymore. it's so agonizing but i guess that's part of growing up. LOLz. quarter of a century and yet em needs to grow up! fancy that.

having said that em more frustrated in that em needs to forego certain things, beliefs or even people that I value. is it worth it? i don't think it is but i don't know really. em still searching for answers. it seems easier to focus on tangibles. things that are able to give you the returns for the effort put in. to do otherwise would appear silly to some.

hey, it's appears silly even to self at times. but i can't deny. em continues being such because it makes me happie. although that in itself is questionable now. of all the things soothsayers say, em just hope they were wrong & em right bout you with eyes wide open. cuz walking away gets harder each day. well, like music; different tunes delivers different emotions, different phases for different cirsumstances, different places. which in turn is alot like life. else, how'd we know we've hit highs of the highs and lows of the lows. Testing; yes. Terrific; absolutely. recKon em juz hav to get better at dancing to different tunes each day.

em no dancIng quEen but

Trying em's best to be a tough cOokie amidst it all.

This is life; not heaven. You don't have to be perfect

Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, and above.

GIA Carangi

1960 to 1986

l.u.c.k.y versIOn 7.4

em wonders if jasOn mrAz & colbie knwOws what's their la-la-lu is all about. If so, would you give me the same advice as you would have if you were so on the state of things. Would you be objective about it. At times, to think that em has everything em wanted; em so happy that em terrified.

je ne sais pas. what gives.

v|cod|n refill sil vous plait

Security Position Inputs

Complete. Enforceable. At Risk. To be Released. Released in Period.

At Risk

.em not exactly thrilled right now.

.to be further discussed in consultation with em's risk manager & the stakeholder.

haiKu em ~ it's cOming!!!!

forget bugs buNnies em! must chase datelines for sumiputeh, olympia, qL & baNdar-raya. it's monday toMoro!!

dOin me mAth

chasing rabbits can b fun. but what if there were too many raBbits in the park. ahh. here comes the applicatIOn of calculus 202. education not wasted. *grins*. options are aplenty. methodically going about it will be like dOin probability trees. but well, gut/heart/instinctive feel with a pinch of reality thrown-in is the route i'd chosen in l'past and likely will continue to opt for.

1stly, em cannot let my heart win. u see, my heart and i are really 2 separate legal entities with vastly differing operating policies.

2ndly, to always act in my best interest as one have always so adamantly advocated. this is where i think v are different. although launching a discourse will end in a paradoxical conclusion. cuz it's only my best interest ceteris paribus. in c'est la vie; it's an economic rarity to say the least.

3rdly, to be happy 'n never be regretful of anythin. be it neither the path undertaken nor the road not taken. that was em's approach then. but have definitely learnt 1 thing from you. perhaps, one could in fact build one's own path if neither seemed plausible (oh, nay.. it should be the superhighway; cuz em not sure a porsche could be driven the way it was engineered to do on a.. uhmm pathway *lolz*)

given the foregOing ; em will apprecIate the preseNt. to fOcus and not let the "having-it-all" mentality cloud prudent judgments. waKe up everyday to do better; be in it work; relating to others or to care and give of the best of me.

i.e. to not lose passIOn in what i do to boredOm and complacency. in the pursuit of these, to never lose sight of priorities; taking a break to live the moment,spend more time w. l'familié, making effOrt to catch up with l'amis; impromptu weEkend-away et vOus mon cherIé. in retro-spect; may-b i do have it all alreAdy *sMiles*.

for the record; its gOin to be: a 2. complete ccp. into the woods. cfa. cheveNing 'n wherever life takes me. OR. corporate advisory. merlion grad schooL. part-time workahOlic 'n wherever life takes me. OR. bricket. dcm. kangArOo grad school 'n wherever life takes me. OR grad school. tutor cum writer. lil monsters 'n a golden retriever with the lov of my life. the former is by far the simplest and yet possibly d hardest to achIeve. to be revisited semi-annually.