QUestiOnable cOnduct (s)

eM apologizes for hers. eM truly truLy sorrie. 

Once she stopped denying thOse feelings, she wasn't prepared for the torrent of strange emotions that washed over. It's completely foreign to her. It was like the volcanic eruption on an icy-cool, calm and collected surface. she wonders how much longer the ash cloud would clear. 

Her heart chose to fall captive to the one man she couldn't have. She questioned on how she allowed it to go so far. how n why did he; she knOws naught. But then she would look at that face, the tenacity; lose herself in his endless eyes and fiery yet gentle stare and would realize, how could she not. 

She knew, there was no dismissing it, but he would never be. Restrained by social stigmas, the boundaries of friendship, and her neurotic fear that he would walk out of her life if he discovered the truth of pAin still. She'd rather that he plays the role of a friend than to not have him in her life at all.

She'd accepted this reality, to love him from afar. She didn't want to jeopardize the relationship they'd once shared, because although a part of her missed & yearned for her 9-year old playmate and the feeling of completion knowing that we are not alone in this adventure; she opted to revel in the joyful sensations of loving, while carefully ignoring the pain of not being. 

Was contented with what she felt, the pleasure of his company, his irreplaceable presence in her life, and the fact that she knew what it was like to love.  She didn't have the audacity to ask for more.

But now, more than ever; she stumbled upon questiOnable *trutHs* that he really really wasn't for her to have, wasn't for her to love, wasn't for her to call her own. was she wrOng, wRonged with 'n wRonged on. Questionable conduct begets a string of *questiOnable* questionable conducts. 

A wildly different place 'n circumstance she'd found herself in; or rather was. Frankly; she doesn't really know anymore.  she's just left with questiOns. mOre unnervingly; why she still cared despite it all.